Tuesday, January 29, 2013

When One Spouse Wants to Adopt & The Other Doesn't

(This post is a follow up to yesterdays post Is Adoption Right for Us.)

Andrew knew that I loved adoption before we were married. But we both hadn't really considered adopting at that point. We only discussed when we would start a family and just assumed that children would come into our family through pregnancy and birth. During our first year of marriage, I began thinking "What if we adopted?" I began dreaming about adoption and researching the cost, countries, etc. At that point, Andrew wasn't at all interested in adoption and had some reasons he did not want to adopt. So how did we get from only one of us wanting to adopt to both of us being excited to adopt?
  1. Submission to God. I had to submit my dream to God. I knew that if it was God's will for us to adopt, then God would show both of us, not just me. I could never force Andrew to want to adopt. God would have to place that desire in Andrew. In time, this is exactly what happened. Just as I couldn't force Andrew into adoption, if our case had been the opposite, Andrew couldn't have forced me into adoption. He would have needed to be patient and loving with me.

  2. Understanding and Open Conversation. We both listened to the others points of views with respect. We discussed the possibility of adoption, reasons to and not to adopt, fears about adoption, etc. for over a year. We didn't discuss it every day or even every week. But the conversation was open for us both to express our dreams and fears.

  3. Prayer. We prayed about whether God wanted us to adopt. 

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