Trip 1: Information Gathering and Questions to Ask Caregivers

We are preparing to go on trip1 to Bulgaria to meet our kids. We want to do some information gathering while we are there.

Shoe Sizing Guide

Click Here to Print

Stride Rite has a great Shoe Sizing Guide that you can print. There is also a video explaining how to measure using their guide. We plan on tracing our children's feet so we can buy them shoes that are the right size before trip 2!

For Clothing: 

Waist Measurement, Current Height and Weight

Questions to Ask Your Child’s Caregivers

I have been putting together a list of questions gathered from various sources to ask the orphanage caregivers and foster family. (I am sorry I didn't keep track of all the books, authors, websites, blogs, etc. I found these questions on! Wish now I would have!) I thought I would share with other adoptive parents who might be traveling soon! This is a comprehensive list and it is WAY too long. We will trim it down to what we don't alreayd have answers for and to what we feel is most important. We would over whealm with this long list! All these questions won't apply to every situation, depending on your particular child. If you are like us, then you got a lot answers to these questions when you received your referral, so you can cut those questions out of the list! (Tip: Take either a video camera or audio recorder to tape the interview. Use the audio capabilities of the video recorder so you do not miss any of the conversation. Then you can go over later. This will be much faster than trying to write everything down!)

Questions About Birth Family?

• Of what ethnic heritage is the child?
• How did they receive their name? If unusual, ask what meaning it has or what ethnicity it is.
• What can you tell me about the birth mother? (Age, health, name, photo? etc.)
• What can you tell me about the birth father? (Age, health, name, photo? etc.)
• Does my child have any siblings? What are their gender, ages, names, etc. Are they also in an orphanage/foster family?
• Any photos of birth family available? (I know of 1 family who adopted Ukrainian children whose parents had died and they were given photos from when the children lived with their parents before they died!. Yes, this question is a long shot, but you never know!)
• Do birth family members have any medical, physical, or emotional problems?
• Is there any information on the birthmother’s pregnancy and/or delivery?

Questions About Child's Placement History 

• How did my child come into an orphanage/fostercare? (Parents death, abandonment, removed from family due to neglect/abuse, etc.)
• When did my child come into orphanage care/fostercare?
• Is this the only foster family/orphanage my child has lived in or have their been other placements? Where? With Whom? For How Long?
• How long has the child been in the orphanage? Where was he/she before that?
• Has my child ever lived with his/her birth family? For what period of time? What was the child's age?
• What is the staff to child ratio during the day? Night?
• Any signs of abuse (before the orphanage)?
• Can we get pictures of him with his caregivers? 

Questions About My Child

• Is there anything we should tell him as he grows up?
• Have she had any prior illnesses, injuries or accidents?
• How does he interact with other children?
• Who are his friends? Can we take photos of him with his friends for a keepsake?
• Does he have a favorite caregiver?
• Does she like to be hugged, held and kissed?
• Favorite toys?
• Favorite activities?
• What makes him happy?
• What makes her upset?
• What makes him angry?
• Special fears?
• How do you soothe her?
• Behavioral problems?
• Does he wake up in the night?
• Does the child have any scars? If so, how did s/he get them?
• Are there any old photos?
• May I see where they slept and played and may you take photos of those places?
• Ask them how well the child speaks in their native language? Ask them what words and/or sentences the child can say and ask them how well the child pronounces those words.
• At what age did the child start sitting, walking and talking? (Ask the orphanage directer for a written history of the child's developmental milestones.)
• Does the child have any medical, physical, or emotional problems or disabilities?
• What are the dates of any blood transfusions, trauma, hospitalizations or surgeries?
• Ask the staff for descriptions of the child’s personality & physical, mental, & emotional status.
• How does the child's speech compare with her/his peers in the orphanage?
• How does the child's ability to crawl, walk, or run compare with peers in the orphanage?
• Does the child use utensils to eat, drink from a cup?
• Can the child dress & undress without help?
• Is the child toilet trained during the day and/or night?
• Does s/he wet the bed? How often? Has any intervention taken place?
• Does he/she initiate using the toilet?

Questions About Daily Routines

• Ask the orphanage director to write out the child’s daily routine.
• What do you feed them? How much and when?
• What are my child's favorite foods?
• How long and when do they sleep? (Bed time, Nap time?)
• What is the bathing routine? Does s/he like to be bathed?
• How do you discipline children here?

Other things to document, photograph, video (depending on the child's age). This can be helpful to share with your international adoption doctor and may help in thinking about future therapies the child may need, such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc.

Gross motor skills: 

• The child’s arm, leg, trunk and head movement. How the child uses his/her limbs and body.
• walking, running, stairs, standing on one foot, hopping, & jumping

Fine motor skills: 

• building, coloring, stringing beads, & cutting, etc. (bring Legos, paper, scissors, crayons, beads & string).

Verbal Skills: 

• Vocalization by the child.
• Others talking to the child and how he/she responds
• Through translator ask child his/her name
• Through translator ask him/her some questions and have her/him identify objects
• Through a translator give the child simple one, two or three step directions

Social Skills:

• The child interacting with visitors, staff, other children during meals or play time
• The child using interactive toys such dolls, puppets, toy vehicles & people

Don't forget to ask, "Do you have any questions for us?"

Hope you find this helpful! Feel free to copy, edit, and share!

Our Weekend: Empowered to Connect Adoption/Foster Parenting Conference

This past weekend, Andrew and I attended Empowered to Connect Adoption/Foster Parenting Conference sponsored by Show Hope. We had a long drive to Chicago Illinois to get there! Chicago was much colder than where we live! In fact, on Friday it was snowing! We had a wonderful time! For one thing it had been a while since we had weekend that we could spend together with no responsibilities (and no homework for Andrew.) It was nice just to get away together and enjoy each other's company!

I highly recommend Empowered to Connect to adoptive and foster parents or to prospective parents! We learned so much this weekend about parenting kids who come from hard places, such as prenatal stress, difficult birth, early hospitalization, trauma, neglect, and abuse. Mostly, Andrew and I learned how much we don't know! But we also came away with powerful resources and information about where to go for help if we need it!

Dr. Karyn Purvis, Amy and Micheal Monroe in a Q& A Session

We figured a trip to Chicago wouldn't be complete without trying some Chicago style, deep dish pizza!

Opening Our Hearts to Big Kid Adoption

As a part of our homestudy, Andrew and I had to spell out specifically the characteristics of the children we would be willing to adopt and be approved specifically to parent each of these characteristics. One of those characteristics was age. When Andrew and I first thought about adopting, we wanted to adopt a baby or toddler! We thought we would request age 3 and under. Then we upped the age to age 5, then to age 6. Our homestudy will approve us to adopt 2 children, related or unrelated, ages 5 and under.

So why did we up the age?

The Needs of Waiting Children...

We upped the age because we found out that UNICEF says 95% percent of orphans in the world are over the age of five. Most orphans are "big kids." Older children are waiting to be adopted in many, many countries.
According to the US Department of State, 55% of children adopted internationally are age 2 and under. Most adoption agencies consider older child adoption to start at age 3. A huge need exist for parents to adopt older children! (Young orphans also need a family! Every child should grow up in a loving family!)

Waiting Parents...

We upped the age because there are many prospective parents are waiting for young children. Like us, most people want to adopt a baby, the younger the better. In all countries that allow international adoption, the younger the age you request, the longer your will be waiting to adopt. We don't want to join the ranks of parents waiting to be matched with an infant. Andrew and I don't feel it is right for us to be waiting years and years just because we want a baby, when older children are waiting. While we set our parameters so that we could still adopt a young baby or toddler if there is a young baby or toddler who needs a family, we also wanted to make our parameters such that we wouldn't exclude the possibility of adopting a kindergarten/preschool age child who needs a family. We want to set our parameters as broad as possible so that children won't have to wait for a family any longer than necessary.

The Fears...

Sometimes, Andrew and I have some fears about about "big kid adoption." Adopting a baby seems safer and easier. A baby has experienced less trauma, neglect, and abuse. Andrew and I could start from the beginning with a clean slate if we adopted a baby. If we adopt an older child, we may have years of heartache to help heal. (Some families also have the concerns about other children already in their home. This is one reason Andrew and I decided to adopt before having biological children.)

But Andrew and I did not set out to adopt because we wanted safe and easy parenthood. (If that was our goal, hello pregnancy!) We set out to adopt because we wanted to give family to children who were waiting for a family. For us, this means children up to age 6.  Why 6? Well, we aren't prepared to parent a teenager! Seriously, we did not feel that the age gap would be appropriate if we went to old. We had to set the age limit somewhere. We wanted to put the best interest of the child as a priority. What age range could we best support as parents? Our other main priority is our marriage. Our marriage is the foundation of our family. It is important to the well being of our future children that Andrew and I have a strong marriage. Parenthood in general brings new stresses into a marriage. Adoption can add additional stresses to a marriage. We had to look realistically at what we could handle emotionally, physically, financially, etc.

Not Being Dictated by Our Fears...

We knew God was calling us to adopt. We couldn't let our fears keep us from following God's plan for our lives. Instead, of being dictated by our fears, we tried to find answers to our fears. A favorite quote I once heard was:

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst!

This quote is perfect for the optimist in me and the pessimist in Andrew! Researching the difficulties involved in older child adoption, as well as resources to help work through these difficulties, is an important part of our adoption journey.  Finding help and answers is putting to rest some of our fears! No it won't be easy, but many people have found it doable and rewarding!

Could you be the family for an older child? If so, don't be scared, get prepared!

Resources to Prepare:

• Empowered to Connect Conference/Workshop for Foster and Adoptive Parents (Looking forward to attending this year!)
• Created for Care retreat for adoptive mommas (Haven't been yet, but hoping to attend next year!)
• Local counsels/therapist that specialize in helping children who have been adopted
• Adopting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky
• Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky
• The Connected Child by Dr. Karen Purvis, Dr. David Cross, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine
• Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay
• Creating a Family Radio Show. (Tons of archived shows to listen to about adoption with practical advice from food and sleep issues to transracial adoption. I may not always agree with some view points on this show. However, I do enjoy listening to the shows about adoption and have learned a lot. I just filter the topics and view points through my world view.)

Blog Posts on Older Child Adoption:

• On Big Kid Adoption by Lara, Mother of Ambrose (adopted at age 4) and Mary (adopted at age 8)
• Older Child Adoption is Hard by Dana, Mother of Wenxin
• The Good, The Bad, and the Down Right Ugly: Realities of Older Child Adoption;and Part 2 of The Good, The Bad, and the Down Right Ugly: Realities of Older Child Adoption by Selina, Mother of Johanna (adopted at age 14)
• Older Child Adoption by Jean, Mother of Mia (adopted at age 11), Sarah (adopted at age 8), Emma & Ellie (adopted at age 8 and 10)
• Older Child Adoption by Janal, Mother of Justice (adopted at age 8)

Adopting a Snowflake: Embryo Adoption

I have been debating about whether to do a blog post about embryo adoption. For a few weeks I have been debating with myself about my view of embryo adoption. Is it ethical? Why or why not? I have finally formed my opinion.

First Things First...

If you are like I was, you are probably wondering what in the world "snowflake adoption" or "embryo adoption" is. Before coming across it in some adoption research, I had never heard of it. Recently my sister saw an advertisement for an embryo adoption agency and asked me about it, which sparked my interest in the ethics of embryo adoption.

An embryo is a tiny multi-cell baby created from a fertilized egg. If you believe that life begins at conception (as I do), then an embryo is a tiny human being - a small life, that will develop and mature.

 

In the USA alone there are hundreds of thousands of frozen embryos (tiny human lives!) These embryos were created through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) for couples to use in building their families. Because IVF is expensive and can sometimes fail, many couples choose to have multiple eggs fertilized at once. However, not all the embryos (fertilized eggs) can be transferred to the mother's womb at once because of the risks of multiple birth. Many of the embryos have been frozen for later use by the couple as they continue to grow their families. However, couples sometimes complete their families and still have leftover frozen embryos.

If you believe in life at conception, this creates an ethical quandary of what to do with the "leftover" embryos.  It is unethical (and costly) to store these frozen embryos forever. It is also unethical to destroy (kill) the embryos or donate them to scientific research (which also results in the embryo being killed.)

Families who choose life for their embryos (babies) are left with two choices, either transferring the remaining embryos to the biological mother's womb or making an adoption plan for the remaining embryos.

Snowflake or Embryo adoption is the adoption of these little embryos! (Just as snowflakes are all tiny, frozen, and unique, so are these embryos. Thus the embryo adoption is sometimes called snowflake adoption.) The unused embryos are thawed and transferred to the womb of the adopting mother. If the transfer is successful, the adopting mother will be pregnant! In nine months she will give birth to her adopted child! The adoptive mother and father will legally be the mother and father of the child/children born. 

 

Ethics of Embryo Adoption

Is it ethical for embryos to be adopted? I believe that it is. Here is why.

Embryo adoption is adoption nine months sooner.

If the embryo was carried to full term and delivered, would it be ethical for the baby to be adopted? Yes. If parents decide, for whatever reason, that they are unable to parent their child, it is ethical for them to make an adoption plan for their baby. Just as we urge a birth mother to make an adoption plan rather than to abort her baby, shouldn't we urge a mother to make an adoption plan rather than "abort" her frozen embryo? If it is ethical for a newborn baby to be adopted, then surely it is ethical for a pre-born baby to be adopted. 


Embryo adoption saves a human life.

Embryo adoption prevents a baby from being killed!


Embryo adoption is not agreeing with the conception of the child.

Some people may have an ethical objection to "fertility technologies" such as IVF, surrogate mothers, and/or donor sperm/eggs. I am not here to argue for or against these things. No matter what your opinion on these things, adoption of an embryo isn't agreeing with them. Adoption is never about agreeing or disagreeing with the conception of a child. Adoption is about giving parents to a child in need of parents.

In his book, Adopted for Life, Russell Moore states "The children are already conceived; the adopting parents are no more endorsing the technologies involved than parents adopting from an unwed mother are endorsing fornication."


Embryo adoption is true adoption, not buying of an embryo.

Embryos are not being created for the purpose of selling. The natural parents are not selling their embryos. They do not receive any money for the embryos. These parents are truly making an adoption plan.


Benefits of Embryo Adoption

You are giving a child a chance to live!

The adopting mother gets to be pregnant. 

This has many benefits for the adopting family. First, the mother can bond with the baby as it grows in her body.  Second, Unlike traditional adoption, the mother can make lifestyle choices that affect the health of the baby, such as abstaining from alcohol and drugs during pregnancy, eating healthy foods, taking prenatal vitamins, and getting good prenatal care. The mother can also nurse her child!

Just as with traditional adoption, families can choose open, closed, or semi-open adoptions.

The amount of contact between the natural family and adopting family is up to both families. It may no contact, yearly letters and pictures sent through the adoption agency, or even more contact! Also, it is beneficial to children to have medical histories of their natural parents and grandparents.

Hear from Adopting Families

For More Information

• http://www.embryoadoption.org/

• Family Talk with Dr. James Dobson Radio Show on Embryo Adoption

Questions or Comments?

Agree? Disagree? Questions? I would love your input on this little known form of adoption! 

When One Spouse Wants to Adopt & The Other Doesn't

(This post is a follow up to yesterdays post Is Adoption Right for Us.)

Andrew knew that I loved adoption before we were married. But we both hadn't really considered adopting at that point. We only discussed when we would start a family and just assumed that children would come into our family through pregnancy and birth. During our first year of marriage, I began thinking "What if we adopted?" I began dreaming about adoption and researching the cost, countries, etc. At that point, Andrew wasn't at all interested in adoption and had some reasons he did not want to adopt. So how did we get from only one of us wanting to adopt to both of us being excited to adopt?

1. Submission to God. I had to submit my dream to God. I knew that if it was God's will for us to adopt, then God would show both of us, not just me. I could never force Andrew to want to adopt. God would have to place that desire in Andrew. In time, this is exactly what happened. Just as I couldn't force Andrew into adoption, if our case had been the opposite, Andrew couldn't have forced me into adoption. He would have needed to be patient and loving with me.


2. Understanding and Open Conversation. We both listened to the others points of views with respect. We discussed the possibility of adoption, reasons to and not to adopt, fears about adoption, etc. for over a year. We didn't discuss it every day or even every week. But the conversation was open for us both to express our dreams and fears.


3. Prayer. We prayed about whether God wanted us to adopt. 

Is Adoption Right for Us?

How does one know if adoption is right for one's family? For Andrew and I it was a long process. We went through the following steps, but not necessarily in this order.

1. Pray. Kay Warren shared the wisest advice I ever heard for those considering adoption (and even those who have never considered adoption). Ask God, "Do you want me to adopt?" Ask God to give you a desire to adopt, if it is His will for you to adopt.


2. Don't Rush. Adoption is a huge decision. It took Andrew and I over a year from our first discussions about adoption until we made the decision that we were going to adopt.


3. Hear the Heart of Adoption. Read personal stories of families who have adopted and stories from children who have been adopted. Hearing these stories will make adoption more real to you rather than an abstract thought.


4. Research. What are your biggest fears about adoption? Finding answers to your questions will put your fears to rest and make you more confident about adoption.


5. Consider Timing. Is adoption right for your family, but the timing wrong? For us, the timing wasn't right when I first wanted to adopt. But two years later, the timing was right to start the long adoption process. God's timing for bringing our children will be perfect for our family. I have friends who wants to adopt, but the husband is in school and they just had a baby. They know adoption is in their future, but for know they are waiting.


6. Organize your Finances. You don't need to be rich or have a huge savings to adopt, but you do need to financially responsible. Andrew and I had to get on a budget before we could start the adoption process. From the start of our marriage, we were purposeful about not getting into debt (besides a small home mortgage) so that financial problems wouldn't prevent us from following God's will for our life, wherever that lead us.

Tomorrow's post will be on what to do when one spouse wants to adopt and the other doesn't. Yes, one of us wanted to adopt before the other!

You Just May Be?

Love this song from Karyn Williams! Could you be the answer to a child's prayer?

Haven't Met You Yet

This song wasn't written about adoption. But it is perfect. The words express how I am feeling right now, the longing I have for these children I haven't met yet! (Apparently someone else felt that way too, because they made a slide show with adoption & pregnancy pictures.) The waiting is hard...I love them already! Adoption might be hard, but it will be so worth it!

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it’s half timing, and the other half’s luck
Wherever you are, whenever it’s right
You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life


And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it’ll all turn out
You’ll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven’t met you yet

How Adoption Affect Siblings

For families who already have children, one worry about adopting is "how will adopting affect our children?" This is a legitimate thought. The worry of the negative influence could be a barrier for some families adopting. No one wants to harm the children they already have.

I would love to reassure you that if you adopt, it will be a positive thing for your children. But since I haven't experienced adoption yet and we don't already have children in our home, I can't speak from experience. So instead, I will have to rely on families who have had biological children and then adopted. Hear, in their own words, how adoption has changed them for the better!

From the Kids

The Weimer family had four biological children and six adopted children. Their mother, Heidi Weimer, asked them "What does adoption mean to you?" Here are there responses.
(www.wehaveroom.blogspot.com)

"Adoption means giving up and sacrificing a part in my family so that somebody else can have a family." 

- Brandon Weimer, age 12

"Adoption = life + awesomeness. Adoption rocks. When we adopted, I got a bonus because I got sisters!" 

- Isabella Weimer, age 9

"Adoption means that you take care of others and you try to bring home kids that don't have parents and then you teach them English. People should adopt because some people have leprosy and if their skin falls off we can bring them home and give them medicine. I'm glad we adopted because I get to have new people in our family. It makes us more happier to have more kids in our family. When you just play with other kids all the time, it's so boring, like it's like how the Israelites got bored eating manna every day. When we adopted, I finally got new kids to play with and I was so excited." 

- Justice Weimer, age 6

From Mothers

"I have heard it said by others that they would never adopt for fear of how it will affect their biological children. Since adopting, our children now love deeper, think of others more, pray for orphans across the world, pray for families adopting by name, pray for our sponsored children by name, will not let anyone refer to Elijah as their adopted brother, he is their brother (period), save their money to help adoptive families and orphan care ministries, share the beauty of adoption, share that we were all orphans, adopted through Christ. I would say they have been affected alright."

- Amy
Mother of four children: three by birth and one by adoption 
(http://filledwithpraise.blogspot.com)


"I am thankful to have experienced the joy of watching my biological children become transformed in His grace through the blessing of our adopted children with special needs.  Just coming off of a Mother/Son retreat this last weekend, I am refreshed in seeing the attributes my oldest biological sons carry because they have understood the difference between want and need.  They have seen those who have suffered and gone without.  They know that when they receive a gift- it is something to cherish.  They have learned to wait.  They have learned that in waiting- God will answer.  They have learned that perfection is not something to be seen with the naked eye but through the lens of mercy and grace.  While they have given up vacation times so their brother and sister could join our family- they have experienced an enlargement of the heart that only comes when we say no to pleasure for a temporary "high" and trade it in for joy that comes through love of acceptance of family.  My children, biological or not may only experience Disney World once in their life and they might be doomed to sales racks and second hand wear but my children will not suffer for loving more." 

- Tina Kacirek
Mother of six children: two by birth and three by adoption, in process to adopt two more children
(www.kacirek.blogspot.com)


"I’ve had families ask me recently, and understandably so, how adoption will impact their biological children. I think that perhaps there is this fear of whether it will disrupt their sense of security, or short change them in some way. It’s funny though, I don’t remember wondering that when I was pregnant with child number three. I don’t remember thinking, 'What if the boys feel short changed? What if I can’t give them all that they need? What if they feel put out or left out?'

So I wonder why we think that when it comes to adoption. Adding a child to a family is simply adding a child to a family. I’m not underestimating the difficulty that comes with adopting children who are hurt and wounded. It’s hard work. But this post is not about that. This post is about loving and growing.

This post is about children gaining siblings, learning to love in deeper ways and growing into incredible human beings.

The three beautiful people above have done just that. They opened their hearts, sacrificed personal space and quiet moments, and they have loved extravagantly. We have done our best to make sure to give each of our children quality one on one time, to respect them as individuals in the midst of a large family, and to encourage them to have personal time and experiences to follow their dreams and develop their talents.

We function as a family and love as a family, every one pitches in, not always joyfully, but we do it. It’s what families do. Families love and care for each other.

Several months ago, we were on the porch sitting with our three Oldest while the three Littles played in the backyard, and we were talking about how the Littles have changed all of our lives.  I was overwhelmed with love as I heard my Olders talk about how the Littles have caused them to be better people, more capable adults, more loving, more giving, less selfish, and more qualified for adulthood and someday parenthood.
After a long talk, they shouted out to the Littles, 'HEY GUYS, THANKS FOR MAKING US BETTER PEOPLE.'

And as a mom, I’d like to shout from the rooftop, 'HEY NICK, TAYLOR, AND ISABELLE, thanks for loving well, giving big, and making ME a better person!' "

- Tracie Loux
 Mother to seven children: three by birth and four through adoption
(www.tracieloux.wordpress.com)

How Long Does It Take To Adopt?

Our adoption of a sibling group ages 5 and under from Bulgaria will probably take from two to three years from the time we applied to our adoption agency to the time we bring our children home.

November is National Adoption Month.  You may be wondering, "If we adopt, how long will it take?" The adoption time table varies greatly between domestic newborn, domestic foster care and international adoption.  Times also depend much upon the characteristics you are seeking in a child.  For international adoption, waiting children, older children, special needs children and boys are much faster to adopt than young, healthy girls.

Adoptive Families Magazine surveyed over 1,500 families who adopted in 2010-2011 to find out how long there adoptions took. 

U.S. Newborn Adoption Average time from preparation of portfolio to match with birthmother (includes time spent in false starts): Less than 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 12 months 13 to 24 months Longer than 24 months 33% 17% 23% 18%   9% Time between birth and legal finalization: Less than 6 months 7 to 12 months Longer than 12 months 53% 40%   7% 39% of respondents experienced at least one false start. Of these families, 39% worked with the expectant mother one month or less. 13% were matched after the child had already been born. What readers say about the time it takes to adopt a newborn in the U.S.: "We were open to any gender and any race so we were able to be matched quickly." "The adoption was contested by the birthfather, so that made the process take longer. There were also delays from the birthmother's being hospitalized for an illness." "Our domestic adoption progressed VERY quickly. We submitted our dossier to our attorney on December 17, were matched to a birth mom on December 20, our son was born on December 27, and we brought him 'home' to our hotel on December 29. It was a 12-day process from paperwork submission to holding our new son." "We waited almost two years. The agency had an in-depth educational process which broadened our understanding of adoption and open adoption. They had many services available to us while we waited. I can't imagine not having that support and education." "Our baby was placed with us at four days old, but he was premature, so he was in the NICU for almost five weeks before he could come home." "We experienced four failed attempts, including one in which the baby was with us for seven days. We took several months 'off' after each false start, and then it took several months each time to find the new match." "Our child was relinquished by his birth mother at six months of age, then placed in foster care for three months while legal paperwork was completed. So, our timeline is a bit unique."

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U.S. Foster AdoptionAdoptions in FY 2009: 55,684 Average time from foster certification to placement of child ultimately adopted: Less than 1 month 2 to 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 12 months Longer than 12 months 22% 18% 17% 16% 27% Time from placement to finalization: Less than 6 months 7 to 12 months 13 to 18 months 19 to 24 months Longer than 2 years 15% 32% 14% 17% 22% 33% had placements that did not end in adoption. For 22% of these families, the placement lasted for longer than one year. What readers say about the time it takes to adopt from U.S. foster care: "We had our foster daughter for the six months they require you to have them in your home before you are allowed to adopt. As soon as we were allowed and approved by DCFS to apply for an adoption date, we did." "Working with government agencies take a very long time. They forgot our completed homestudy and adoption contact on someone's desk and it expired. Then it had to be completed again. Frustrating, to say the least!" "My son was in the system as legally free for adoption - so things moved quickly." "you have to go through the legal process of terminating parental rights. In our case, we had to also serve notice to unknown fathers in the newspaper. Once all that is completed, adoption usually goes pretty fast." "We had to try to reunify the child with his parents. This is the goal of foster parenting. If you go into it with the thought of adoption you will be disappointed. You have to go through all the steps with the social worker and the parents knowing that, if they are not successful, parental rights can be terminated. You also have to have the right judge who drives his/her own schedule, the social worker, and the parents. Our judge held everyone accountable, called them to court when he wanted the paperwork done, and just did not let the clock tick."

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China AdoptionAdoptions to the U.S. in 2011: 2,587 including traditional and waiting child programs TRADITIONAL PROGRAM Average time from completion of dossier to referral: Less than 36 months 37 to 60 months Longer than 5 years 20% 60% 20% Time from referral until child came home: Less than 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 9 months Longer than 9 months 60% 14% 23%   3% WAITING CHILD PROGRAM Average time from completion of dossier to referral: Less than 1 months 2 to 12 months 13 to 24 months Longer than 2 years 36% 35%   7% 22% Time from referral until child came home: Less than 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 9 months Longer than 9 months 14% 43% 24% 19% 93% spent three weeks or less in China. What readers say about the time it takes to adopt from China: "China slowed down a lot after our dossier was logged in." "Once we switched to the special needs program it was much faster than we expected. Our agency told us seven to eight months to referral. We waited less than two months from our switch to referral." "We identified our child from a waiting child list before our homestudy was complete. There were complications getting the homestudy completed within our state, so that lengthened our wait from referral to bringing our son home." "We spent longer than two weeks in country because we wanted to visit the foster home that our son had spent two years of his life in."

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Ethiopia AdoptionAdoptions to the U.S. in 2011: 1,732 Average time from completion of dossier to referral: Less than 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 9 months 10 to 12 months 13 to 18 months Longer than 18 months 40% 12% 13% 13% 11% 11% Time from referral until child came home: Less than 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 9 months Longer than 9 months 12% 41% 33% 14% 68% took two trips to Ethiopia to complete their adoptions. For 34%, three or more months passed between the trips. 55% spent two weeks or less in Ethiopia; 29% spent two to three weeks. What readers say about the time it takes to adopt from Ethiopia: "Our process got 'stuck' in the requirement changes that were taking place in Ethiopia in 2010 and 2011." "We chose to stay between court and embassy in country. It was supposed to be six to eight weeks, but it ended up being five months." "We adopted an older 'waiting child,' so we did not have to wait for a referral." "Our agency forged a relationship with a new orphanage while we were in process. Because our agency had access to a new population of children who were waiting for parents, our wait was much shorter than expected. The wait has increased dramatically since." "Our adoption went relatively quickly because we adopted when Ethiopia required only one trip and before the wait time for approval letters began to increase." "We were caught in the rainy season!"

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Russia AdoptionAdoptions to the U.S. in 2011: 962 Average time from completion of dossier to referral: Less than 1 month 2 to 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 12 months 13 to 18 months Longer than 18 months 22% 16% 33% 12%   5% 12% Time from referral until child came home: Less than 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 9 months Longer than 9 months 22% 50% 11% 17% 59% took three or more trips to Russia to complete their adoptions. 47% spent four or more weeks in Russia, total. What readers say about the time it takes to adopt from Russia: "I adopted from a Russian region known for its unsympathetic judge. Delays were due to international scandal, local elections (which seemed frequent), hypercritical dossier requirements, and the judge's frequent absences due to vacation and holidays." "Great agency with long track record = fast, healthy referral and quick process." "Our dossier was submitted to Russia in June of 2009. In April of 2010, the Tory Hansen 'scandal' broke (a woman who adopted a boy from Russia sent him back on a plane by himself), and this, of course, damaged U.S./Russian relations and showed down our process. This was an extremely stressful time, but, thankfully, while adoptions slowed in the Vladivostok region, they did not cease." "We requested a boy age zero to three. Our agency said that they love people who want boys and that we would wait about four to six weeks. We received our referral before our dossier was even complete! Our court date came just after they had changed the law to increase the waiting period from 10 to 30 days. Other than that, everything was pretty quick."

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South Korea AdoptionAdoptions to the U.S. in 2011: 736 Average time from completion of dossier to referral: Less than 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 9 months 10 to 12 months 13 to 18 months Longer than 18 months 18% 32% 11%   7% 27%   9% Time from referral until child came home: Less than 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 9 months Longer than 9 months 22% 36% 20% 22% Of the 82% who traveled to adopt, 35% spent one week or less in South Korea. What readers say about the time it takes to adopt from South Korea: "South Korea is decreasing the number of emigration permits (EPs) that are approved each year -- we got caught up in that wait." "We worked with very experienced agencies both here in the U.S. and in South Korea. They processed everything as efficiently as possible." "We were waiting for the referral of a female, so it took longer than average. Also, the quota lengthened our wait, and has now extended the wait even longer than ours was."

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Ukraine AdoptionAdoptions to the U.S. in 2011: 640 Average time from completion of dossier to referral: Less than 1 month 2 to 3 months 4 to 6 months 7 to 12 months Longer than 12 months 36% 27% 18% 14%   5% Time from referral until child came home: Less than 1 month 2 to 3 months Longer than 3 months 27% 64%   9% 36% took two trips to the Ukraine to complete their adoptions. 82% spent four or more weeks in the Ukraine, total. What readers say about the time it takes to adopt from the Ukraine: "You receive your referral in country. Then you need to request your court date. After court, there is a 10-day waiting period before the adoption is final." "Our adoption was fairly quick for Ukraine. We knew it would be about six weeks from beginning to end. We are very pleased with the process and the outcome of our adoption." "We had a failed adoption attempt and were matched with another child. I stayed in country for eight weeks. My husband went home, returned for court, and then went home again. If we hadn't faced this wrinkle I would have been there for about five weeks and my husband would have gone home after three."

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Charts and survey information from Adoptive Families Magazine.

Both Hands: One for the Orphan, One for the Widow

Paying for an adoption isn't easy. For National Adoption Month, I wanted to share some fundraising ideas for families who are adopting. My absolute favorite fundraising idea for adoption is Both Hands Foundation.

Some reasons I love Both Hands Foundation:

1. I love the opportuity for the body of Christ to be the hands and feet of Jesus for a day!  This fulfills James 1:27 by helping both a widow and an orphan in a practical, hands on way.

2. The both hands project is a one day event! (Although there is preparation.) Short, sweet, and hard to beat!

3.  This fundraiser can be so successful! Some families have actually raised enough funds through this fundraiser to cover all of their adoption expense. The average family raises $10,000.00!

4. 100% of the money raised goes toward the expenses of the family's adoption.  Both Hands does not take any money for overhead.

5. Organization is dear to my heart.  I love things to be done in an orderly fashion.  A project like fixing a widows house in a day takes some planning.  I love how Both Hands has everything in place to make this fundraiser run smoothly.

6. Since Both Hands is a licensed nonprofit, all donations/gifts are tax deductible.

7. I love that this fundraiser is not just for adopting families. A church can do a Both Hands fundraiser to raise money for an orphanage or a church adoption fund!

Sound to good to be true? It is not. This video explains how both hands works, and the compelling story of how founder J. T. Olson began the ministry.

For more information and to apply, click here.

Would you like to see a sample of what one family did in one day to help a widow and raise money for there adoption? See the video below.

PS. Through out November I will be posting more fundraising ideas!

Adopting When You Can't Afford It

 

November is National Adoption Month.  Many people consider adopting, but think they can't afford it. Don't let money be the only obstacle that is keeping you from adopting.  If God wants your family to adopt, He will provide the finances for your adoption! If everyone waited until they could afford it, 90% of people who have adopted would probably never have adopted! Most people don't have thousands of dollars in the bank to pay for an adoption, but somehow they adopt anyway.

We are one of those couples without thousands of dollars in our bank account. My husband is in grad school and can only work about 30 hours a week.  I lost my job last spring and now work two part time jobs. We probably "can't afford it." But we are adopting anyway. We are trusting God to provide the finances.  (This whole adoption process is strengthening my faith! It is so amazing to watch how God is providing for our adoption!) I said all that to say this "If we can adopt, so can you!"

If you are considering adoption, but don't think you can afford it.  Give adoption another thought. Read Rebekah's blog post on how they adopted and God provided. Read Nancy's blog post on the sacrifices they made in order to adopt.

Stay tuned! Through out the month of November I will be giving a shout to out different fundraising and grant organizations that could help your family adopt!

How Much Does It Cost To Adopt?

November is National Adoption Month.  Have you considered adoption? Ever wonder the cost of adopting? Expenses range from free to quite costly.  (When you look at the charts below, don't let the expenses discourage you. Tomorrow I will post on how to adopt even when you can't afford the cost.) For today, lets examine what the cost to adopt is. Adoptive Families Magazine surveyed over 1,500 families that adopted a child in 2010 or 2011 about cost before any employee benefits, tax credits or grants. Here is what the survey found:

• Domestic adoptions, on average, cost less than international adoptions.


• U.S. foster adoption is the least expensive adoption route, by a significant margin.


• 80 percent of respondents who adopted from foster care receive an ongoing monthly subsidy. On average, these families reported receiving $630 per month.


• For most adopters, the average total expenses were about $30,000.


• 39 percent of domestic adopters had at least one "false start," in which adoptive parents worked with one or more birthmothers before a match that succeeded. The majority (77%) of "false starts" cost less than $5,000.

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Average Domestic Adoption Cost

	Domestic Newborn - Agency	Domestic Newborn- Independent	U.S. Foster
Homestudy Fee	$1,820	$1,538	$285
Document Preparation & Authentication	$768	$680	$0
Adoption Agency Application & Program Fees	$14,441	$4,608	$0
Legal Fees	$3,536	$10,331	$686
Advertising/ Networking	$2,172	$3,437	$0
Birth Family Counseling	$1,233	$543	$0
Birthmother Expenses	$3,834	$4,274	$0
Foster Care	$230	$38	$0
Travel Expenses	$1,870	$2,285	$521
All Other Expenses	$4,108	$2,488	$761
TOTAL	$34,012	$30,222	$2,253

Average International Adoption Cost

	China	Ethiopia	Russia	South Korea	Ukraine
Homestudy Fee	$2,052	$2,107	$1,923	$2,178	$1,886
Document Preparation & Authentication	$2,214	$1,769	$3,258	$1,472	$1,272
Adoption Agency Application & Program Fees	$7,652	$11,988	$22,173	$16,675	$6,143
In-Country Adoption Expenses	$5,581	$1,979	$6,709	$9,007	$13,946
Child's Passport, Visa, Medical Exam, and Other Fees	$716	$837	$1,431	$888	$1,021
Post-Adoption Expenses	$1,576	$1,150	$1,684	$1,775	$767
Major Travel Expenses	$7,181	$7,852	$14,748	$5,577	$9,614
In-Country Travel Expenses	$2,704	$1,080	$6,709	$583	$2,386
All Other Expenses	$2,125	$5,363	$7,569	$8,533	$5,000
TOTAL	$31,801	$34,125	$66,204	$46,688	$42,035

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Cost Distribution

	Less than $1k	$1k to $5k	$5k to $10k	$10k to $20k	$20k to $30k	$30k to $40k	$40k to $50k	More than $50k
U.S. Agency	0%	1%	6%	25%	37%	23%	7%	1%
U.S. Independent	1%	7%	14%	24%	22%	17%	13%	2%
U.S. Foster	70%	23%	4%	3%	0%	0%	0%	0%
China	0%	0%	0%	4%	58%	32%	6%	0%
Ethiopia	0%	1%	0%	10%	50%	30%	8%	1%
Russia	0%	0%	0%	0%	3%	17%	45%	35%
South Korea	0%	0%	0%	9%	36%	42%	11%	2%
Ukraine	0%	0%	0%	0%	32%	36%	32%	0%

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Information and Charts from: Adoptive Family Magazine's Survey