Saying Goodbye to E.

We have been gone to Bulgaria for 2 weeks! Now that we are home, I will be blogging all about our trip. Click theses links if you would like to first read about our trip to Bulgaria or meeting our daughter E.

Andrew paid the hotel bill the night before. When the alarm went of, I didn't want to get up. I laid in bed for a few moments and a song to sing to E. popped in my head. She was always asking us to sing to her, so this song would just fit the occasion - May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You.  E. wouldn't understand it's significance, but it felt like a prayer of blessing over her. I found the song on Youtube and listened and sang along as we packed up our suitcases. We had breakfast and loaded the car.  

We had been blessed with beautiful sunshine on the first 4 days together. On our last day together, it was overcast and threatening rain. As our Ivan, our interpreter said, even the weather was mourning. E. greeted us and we spent a little time outside swinging while the rain held off. The rest of our visit was spent in a room inside due to the cold. To us, E. seem a little bit different than she had the other days. Almost like she was holding herself aloof slightly, to prepare herself for our separation. E.'s psychologist and speech therapist stopped by and we had a chance to chat with them. Then we had our last time with E. The aloofness was gone and the three of us enjoyed being together for ten or so precious minutes. We sang to her and snuggled her on our laps. Then it was time to say goodbye. Andrew carried her to the front door. I still have the memory fresh in my mind of her snuggling her head on his shoulder as we walked to the door. Then she wanted me to pick her up. I lost it for a moment while I held her, but E. couldn't see my face because her head was now snuggled on my shoulder. Andrew got a tissue and wiped the silent tears from my eyes. We had group hug and individual hugs and kisses, told her how much we would miss her. That we promised we were coming back for her as soon as the documents were ready. That we loved her so much! When we walked out the door, she was saying her final good byes to Andrew and I took a few moments to take deep breaths and get my tears under control. Then I said my final good byes and we walked out the gate and got in the car. We blew E. kisses from the car as it pulled away and she waved and blew kisses back. When E. was out of site, I let myself cry. How I miss my girl so much already! How cruel it is to have to say good bye to her! (We can email and send pictures to the director over the group homes in E.'s region and E. will get them. Nice to have some communication while we are apart.)

Before we left town, Andrew had to stop at a money changer and change some dollars to levs. Then we went to the Office of Social Welfare and our translator dropped of some paperwork about our visits. All this official business help distract me.

We had a drive of around 3 hours, maybe longer, to the town we would be staying in for our visits with M. On the way, we stopped for gas for the car and sandwiches from the gas station. Andrew and I also split a cherry filed croissant. It was delicious! We went through a mountain range on a windy road. Made me carsick, so we stopped and got out for a little while. Brr. It was colder up here. 

The rain and the separation from E. had us all in a depressing mood. I am sure the drive was probably pretty and I tried to soak up my kids' country. Eventually, I fell asleep in the car for a while, laying across the bench seat with my head on Andrew's lap for a pillow. When I woke up he went to sleep.

Rain all the way to the town where we would visit our son M.

We finally arrived at the hotel. It was the only one in smaller town on the Danube River. A town that used to be a big and important but was now somewhat forgotten. The hotel looked like it was fancy back in it's day. It had dark wood  interior and a cool painted ceiling. When we arrived it was felt cold, dark, and empty. Almost spooky. We were the only guest from what we could tell. I am sure our mood didn't help our perception at all. However, the rooms seemed clean enough and that was all I cared about. We had internet too, which was an extra plus. We weren't sure that we would in this smaller town.

Hotel Lobby, photo taken a few days later on a day when the sun was shining!

The next day we were going to meet our son! That was exciting and something to cheer us up! How strange it is to feel so many emotions - to be sad about saying goodbye to E. and excited and nervous about meeting M.!

Click here to read about meeting our son M.

I know you all want to see pictures of our beautiful daughter. However, I won't be sharing any pictures publicly on the internet. In order to be allowed to take pictures with E., we had to sign papers saying we wouldn't publish her name or photos online.

Day 4 with E.

We have been gone to Bulgaria for 2 weeks! Now that we are home, I will be blogging all about our trip. Click theses links if you would like to first read about our trip to Bulgaria or meeting our daughter E.

From October 22:

Our 4th day visiting E. began first with hugs and kisses. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and lets me kiss her cheek in return. Andrew kisses her on the top of the head, because she doesn't like the prickles of his facial hair. She kisses her daddy on the cheek.

E. was wearing the outfit we gave her yesterday. It looked cute on her, but definitely no growing room, and a little small in the shoulders! Ah well, we know to bring bigger size clothes for the next trip when we get to bring her home!

We rode with E. in the car to a photo shop to have her picture taken for her visa. I don't know if she was nervous or carsick (she has rarely ridden in a car) or both, but after her photo was taken, she threw up right in the shop! I helped her get cleaned up and thankfully the floor was tiled, not carpeted! Then we walked to a large park with our translator and her social worker who came with us from her orphanage. E. said she wanted to swing and was feeling fine, but then she got a little motion sick again and had to stop swinging. E. sat on my lap until the feeling passed. It was so nice to hold her and have her snuggle up to me. When she felt better, we played on the other playground equipment and stayed off the swings. It was nice to see her slide and climbing, since she had been mostly only interested in swinging the other days. 

After a while, we bought her juice at a little outdoor cafe. Her second time to have something from a restaurant. 

I am going to pause here for a funny little conversation I had with E. When her bottle of juice was 2/3 empty, a gnat or bug flew down in it.

Me: "E., There is a bug in your juice!"

Ivan translates to E.

E: Bulgarian equivilant of "That's a bummer." (E procedes to drink all her juice anyway, bug and all! I am thinking Ew! Gross! I guess she didn't want to waist her special treat!)

Sitting at our table with E., her social worker, and our translator, Ivan. Photographed by E.

That afternoon we pushed her on the swings a little, sang some, strung wooden beads on a string. Near the end of the visit, we spent sometime with E. sitting on Andrew's lap while we talked with her about her adoption and what would happen next with the process. We had to go and visit her bother, just like we had visited her. After that, documents would have to be prepared and then we would return. It would be after Christmas, New Years, and her birthday, probably in April or May.  Tomorrow would be our last visit together. E. has seen another child from her group home in the adoption process, so she understands that we will be leaving and returning. She told us that she didn't want me to cry tomorrow when we left. That we would be happy together soon. My girl, you have strength and wisdom beyond your years. You have learned that tears a luxury you can't afford. Life has made you strong. But I am going to tear up, no matter what. I will do my best to be strong for you.

This talk was not only good for E., but me also. It was good for me to see that she understood we were returning. It helped me to begin the parting process - not that it was easy, but that this made it less hard.

The group home allowed us to stay later than normal with E. since it was our last evening together. (Thank you! Thank you!)

Click here to read about our last day with E. 

I know you all want to see pictures of our beautiful daughter. However, I won't be sharing any pictures publicly on the internet. In order to be allowed to take pictures with E., we had to sign papers saying we wouldn't publish her name or photos online.

Day 3 with E.

We have been gone to Bulgaria for 2 weeks! Now that we are home, I will be blogging all about our trip. Click theses links if you would like to first read about our trip to Bulgaria or meeting our daughter E or our 2nd day together.

From October 21:

We had a wonderful 3rd day visiting with E! She is sweet, funny and witty with the things she says, spunky, always cheerful and smiling, kind to the other children, and just a bundle of fun!

We spent our morning visit with her at the group home. Most of the visit was in the back yard of the orphanage pushing E. on the swing and singing to her. She loves for us to sing to her while we push her on the swing. We have been singing Itsy Bitsy Spider, Old MacDonald, B-I-N-G-O, Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes, ABC Song, and more. I have been racking my brain to think of more children's songs! By the end of the day, I thought I might loose my voice. She kept asking us to sing her another song. Her favorite is always the song with the words "I love you" which she sings along with us. If she got to a part with words that she didn't know, E. just hummed along.

Swing We Pushed E. on Behind her Group Home.  Photographed by E.

One of my favorite memories from this day was watching E. dance. Our translator Ivan, put some music on his phone on for her and she showed off for us. She was so cute clapping and singing along - sometimes with a huge smile on her face, sometimes with a look of concentration! Halfway through her dancing, she offered Andrew a hand and he began dancing with her. The first father-daughter dance! I loved watching them together! She is such a performer! She even got some twirls in and gave a bow when the song finished! After dancing with Andrew, she wanted to dance with me.

For our gift today, we gave E. a dress and leggings I had bought for her, just geussing on size, along with a matching hair bow. I just guessed on size based on the most recent height and weight measurments we had. Hoping they fit her. But even if they are too big or too small, it will be nice to see them on her so that we can know what size clothes to buy for the next trip!

We got to see her room, which she shares with a bedridden child. The room was very neat. On the wall was a calender, some crafts and artwork, and a black and white picture of her with one of her closest friends at the group home and their social worker. She has a bed with a bright yellow blanket with yellow flowers, a desk, and a cabinet for storing her clothes in. Across the hall is a bathroom for the children.

In the afternoon, we walked to a park with our translator and one of the caregivers from her group home. We got to talk with her caregiver about E.'s routine, her personality, what excites her, calms her, etc. We also were able to ask her about any questions/fears she has about coming to America and what it will be like to live in our home. We hope we can ease the transition for her by talking about it. The care givers have also done a good job of explaining the adoption process to her. 

Communication with E. ( and later with M.) was interesting. I had learned some phrases/words in Bulgarian (I love you, I will love you forever, Are you hungry, Are you thirsty, yes, no, You are beautiful, Sit Down, Stand up, Goodbye, Good morning, Hello, etc.). But our real life saver was our translator, Ivan. You could tell this was more than just a job to him. He cared for the kids and for our family. He went above and beyond to help us communicate with our children and to help them and us with bonding.

Ivan (pronounced Evon) our wonderful translator 
who did so much more than just translate. Photographed by E.

E. loves our camera. She loves to take pictures with it, to have her picture taken, and to sit and look at the pictures that have been taken with the camera. Some of the pictures she took are funny - close ups of our noses or such. But others are actually good, and captured neat moments from our trip that would have other wise gone undocumented! It is also interesting to see what exactly she wanted to photograph. It is like seeing the world through her eyes! And since she took the pictures, she isn't in them and I can share them with you!

At one point we had given Ivan the camera to take pictures and he hadn't started (probably because he was talking to us) and E told him "Come on. What are you waiting for? Start taking pictures."

Let me tell you another funny thing E said. E. told her social worker: "V., I didn't think may parents would be so young and beautiful!" (Apparently, she was expecting older, uglier parents?) Oh, you make me laugh girlie!

Andrew and I both love her so much already. For me, it has been a wonderful but strange experience to feel the love of a mother. How can I feel such a fierce protective love for someone I have only known in person for only a few days?

Click here for our 4th day spent with E.

I know you all want to see pictures of our beautiful daughter. However, I won't be sharing any pictures publicly on the internet. In order to be allowed to take pictures with E., we had to sign papers saying we wouldn't publish her name or photos online.

Day 2 with E.

We have been gone to Bulgaria for 2 weeks! Now that we are home, I will be blogging all about our trip. Click theses links if you would like to first read about our trip to Bulgaria or meeting our daughter E.

From October 20:

Day 2 with our daughter went just as well as the first day! When we arrived, she excitedly greeted us with out stretched arms, ready for a warm hug. We were blessed with beautiful weather again for both our morning and afternoon visit.

During our morning visit, we went to another park. We climbed lots of steps up a huge hill. Andrew held E's hand on one side and I did on the other side. Walking with E is a little slow because of her Cerebral Palsy, but she was a trooper and walked all the way to the top. From the top, we had an amazing view of her city!

View from the top of the park.

At the top was a little cafe and a swing and slide. We got to take E. for her first restaurant experiences, a bottle of juice at an outdoor table at a restaurant at the park. and we pushed her on the swings for a while. E. was not even interested in the slide. Our translator and the social worker were nice enough to sit a little ways where they could watch, but we could have a little time just to ourselves. Of course, she wanted us to sing while we pushed her. E. likes to be pushed high, but we were cautious about pushing her to high. She would occasionally try to tell us the English word "higher" which sounded garbled! (Our translator had taught it to E. yesterday.) After a while, she got cold, but didn't want to stop, so I put my jacket on her, which was huge. She look cute with the sleeves rolled up! 

On the way down the huge hill back to the group home, we sang her a song with the words "I love you" in it and she joyfully told her social worker (who was often with us to supervise visits) "they love me!" I don't think I will ever fully be able to understand the joy of an orphan at having a mommy and daddy come and adopt them. Sometimes during our visits, she would look at me or Andrew and get excited all over again. A huge smile would takeover her face and she would exclaim "momma" or "daddy" and throw open her arms for a hug!

Lunch with our translator Ivan and driver Dimo 

On our afternoon visit, we stayed at the group home. We pushed E. on the swing in the back yard, sang, and had fun batting a balloon around.

This afternoon, I was full of emotion and teared up. E. did not like my tears. She wanted to know what was wrong. She told me not to cry, that we were going to be that "happiest family in the world!" Our translator tried to explain they were happy tears, but E. just gave him a look of disbelief. I think she only understands tears as sadness. 

My favorite memory from our second day with E. was right before we left. Andrew got down on his knees to tell E good bye. As he gave her a goodbye hug she took his head/face in her hands and gave him a kiss on the top of his head/forehead! I love seeing them together! I think she might just turn out to be a Daddy's girl!

The story continues here with our 3rd day together.

I know you all want to see pictures of our beautiful daughter. However, I won't be sharing any pictures publicly on the internet. In order to be allowed to take pictures with E., we had to sign papers saying we wouldn't publish her name or photos online.

Meeting Our Daughter

We have been gone to Bulgaria for 2 weeks! Now that we are home, I will be blogging all about our trip.We have been gone to Bulgaria for 2 weeks! Now that we are home, I will be blogging all about our trip. Click this link if you would like to first read about our trip to Bulgaria.

From October 19:

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night. Was this from the time change or from excitement? I tried to go back to sleep. What time was it anyway? I looked at the cell phone given to us by our translator. It said December something 2013. If the date was wrong, the time was sure to be. The alarm we had set on the phone would be useless! I got up and check the time on the computer, then added 7 hours. It was around midnight here in Bulgaria. I set the correct day and time on the cell phone. I tried to lay still so I didn't wake Andrew and go back to sleep. Eventually, my stomach started to complain. I knew I would never go back to sleep if I didn't eat. So I got up and munched on the pretzels they had passed out on the plane. Poor Andrew awoke to me crunching away! Finally, around 3am (I think), I fell back asleep. 

We awoke to the sound of the cell phone alarm. I felt sleepy now - but I got up excitedly. Breakfast was continental provided by the hotel - fruit, yogurt, toast, different cheeses and cold meat cuts, scrambled eggs, hot tea or coffee, juice. Our driver and translator met us at 8:30 and we made the several hour drive from Sofia to the town where E. lives. We go to see some of the Bulgarian country side -  fields, Mountains in the distance, the occasional sheep or cows. We are both a little nervous and excited at this point. 

Driving from Sofia to the City where E. Lives

First, we went to the office of Social Welfare to meet the director. They were all very nice to come in on Sunday, their day off, and unlock the building and meet with us. Then the director went with us to the E.'s orphanage, which was a smaller "family center" (What we would call a group home in the US.) It was a newer facility with a large living room and dining area with kitchen. Home to 14 children. E. moved there only a few months ago from a large orphanage. 

When we arrived at around 11:3 or noon, I looked out my car window through the glass front door of the group home. I could see her sitting on the couch waiting for us. I started tearing up immediately! As we were getting out of the car, she got up and walked out to meet us. She came out the front door and was so excited! But here we were, a translator, driver, Social Welfare Director, and Andrew and I. She didn't know which off us was her mommy and daddy! She had her arms out to hug us, but wasn't sure which person to hug! I knelt down and gave her a big hug and then motioned that Andrew was her dad and she hugged him. Some one must have been prepping her because she said "I love you, Mommy" and I love you, Daddy" in English! I told her the Bulgarian words for "I love you!"

We went out on the back deck of the group home and sat down. The sun was bright in my eyes. They brought out herbal tea and Banitsa (a delicious pastry/bread made of Phyllo and cheese). E. served us both and the caregivers bragged about what a great helper E. was to them. 

Andrew and I were sitting on a bench together at the table. She came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. Then she hugged Andrew - she did not want to kiss him. Possibly it was shyness but she also did not care for Andrew's goatee!

We found out that they had been expecting us the day before. Apparently, there had been a mix up in the communication about when our plane arrived, etc. E. had gotten all dressed up for us the previous day and we never showed up. She was upset and told her caregivers "my parents are never going to come." They calmed her down and explained the problem, but I can't even imagine her dissapointment as the day went on and we never arrived!

I got a craft out of my bag and worked on it a little with her, then she wanted to go swing.  We swung for a little while and then the social worker suggested we take her to a park and visit there. 

Roses in the Park

We went to E.'s favorite park. When we arrived at the park, it must have suddenly occurred to her that we have other names besides mommy and daddy, because she asked what our names where! 

I spontaniously sang E. a little song with the words "I love you" in it. She loved it! From then on, everyday she would ask us to sing to her and with her.

The park had nice wide paved paths for walking, tall trees, a large fountain and a large play ground. E. wanted to swing again. We spent the whole time at the park pushing her on the swings. One would stand behind and push E. on the swings and one would stand in front and push her feet or knees. 

At one point E. asked our translator if "we would take her." We he told her yes, she said she was "a very happy girl." Breaks my heart that she thinks we might not want her. We aren't shopping for a pet at the pet store. She is a girl who needs a mommy and daddy! 

In the car on the way back to the group home, she gave us both a kiss on the cheek again and even allowed daddy to give her a kiss on the cheek too! Our first visit ended at 2:45 pm. She said good bye easily and "see you at 4!"

She took a nap in the afternoon while we were gone. The orphanage care givers told us she doesn't nap! Apparently all the excitement made her tired!

We returned at 4 for our afternoon visit. We spent the time with her in the back yard of the orphanage. First I braided her beautiful black hair in 2 french braids. I gave her 2 bows to put in her hair. E. asked why I hadn't given them to her sooner and I explained that I wanted to save surprises, not give everything at once. She loved that idea and became excited that there would be a surprise the next day! E. asked if she could do my hair, so I let her. She did my hair in 2 pig tails. It looked hilarious.

I brought a small picture album of our us, our home, her grandparents and brother, etc. to share with us. She liked it and it was nice to share with her. She had a few questions, but she was ready to swing again after looking through it!

We pushed E. on the swings in the back yard of the group home. E. loved to swing and would ask for harder in Bulgarian. The translator told her the English word and she tried to say "higher".

E. asked if she could give us a tour of the yard. We walked 3 times around the group home, pausing along the way for this and that. She picked us flowers. Next door was another group home like E.'s. Also home to older children. A boy in the group home next door came out and looked at us through the fence and she proceeded to brag to him about her momma and daddy. Other children came and looked at us over the fence too. This ended up happening every day for the five days we were there. When we were out in the yard playing or swinging with E., children from E.'s group home would watch out the window and children in the group home next door would come and look longingly over the fence at us. Most of them were boys. There were healthy older boys, and boys with varying levels of disabilities. It was a sad reminded of the many many children never adopted, and put a little sad damper on our joy of spending time with E.

When it was almost time for us to go, E. asked our translator what time we would be coming back tomorrow and tried to bargain with him for an earlier time! (She is so smart with time and schedules. She has the social workers schedule memorized and thanked her for coming on her off day. She knows the schedule of the orphanage and understands time!) Again, our good byes were easy. We gave hugs and said "ciao" and blew kisses from the car as we pulled away.

The day went so naturally - easily. I think it was because E. knew why we were there, was excited and broke the ice and our calmed our nervousness with her huge hug when we arrived. Fromt hat first moment, she accepted us as her parents and never looked back. Sometime that day (it all runs together now), one of E.'s caregivers was talking to her about her upcoming adoption. She said she was happy for E. to have a family but would miss her when she was gone. E. told her, "Please don't be sad when I leave. I will miss you, but this is the way it is."

I loved E. before I ever met her, from only a description of her cheerful personality and her pictures. But meeting her this first day made that love blossom! I will never forget how she welcomed us with such excitement and her outstretched arms to receive us!

I blogged about our 2nd Day with E here.

I know you all want to see pictures of our beautiful daughter. However, I won't be sharing any pictures publicly on the internet. In order to be allowed to take pictures with E., we had to sign papers saying we wouldn't publish her name or photos online.

Heading to Bulgaria (In Pictures)

We have been gone to Bulgaria for 2 weeks! Now that we are home, I will be blogging all about our trip. 

From October 17 - 18:

Leaving our Hometown for our first flight - to Atlanta! 

Can you tell we are excited!

Dinner on the plane from Atlanta to Paris

Over night flight! Our journey was tiring but went well. We got about 4-5 hours of sleep on the plane from Atlanta to Paris.

Breakfast! I love airplane food - I know, I am strange!

Crossing the Atlantic! Nothing underneath us but water!

Less than a 2 hour layover in Paris. To short to leave the airport. But we did get to see the Eiffel Tower from our plane window when we were landing!

Welcome to Paris! We went pretty quickly thru the airport, and ended up having plenty of time and sitting and waiting at our gate for a while.

Lunch on the Plane from Paris to Sofia, Bulgaria!

Our translator, Ivon, and driver, Demo, met us at the airport and settled us into the hotel. Ivon took us to a traditional restaurant for dinner.

The food in Bulgaria is GOOD!

After dinner we walked around Sofia to see some of the sites.

Good Night! 

All About Cerebral Palsy

Today is World Cerebral Palsy Day!

You may be wondering about Cerebral Palsy. Before finding E., we weren't familiar with Cerebral Palsy either. We had lots of questions as we thought about adopting her!

This is a chart explaining Cerebral Palsy from World CP Day. Click here to view it larger.

General Cerebral Palsy Facts:

• Definition: Cerebral palsy is caused by damage to the Cerebrum (motor control centers) of the developing brain and can occur during pregnancy, during childbirth, or after birth up to about age three.
• Types: There are different types of Cerebral Palsy. E. is diagnosed with "mixed type" meaning she has a combination of different types
• Degrees: There are varying degrees of Cerebral Palsy. E.'s seems to be on the moderate to mild end of the spectrum.
• Non Progressive: The brain damage does not get any worse with time.
• Non-Curable: There is currently no cure for Cerebral Palsy.
• Treatable: Therapy can greatly improve motor skills such as movement and speech.
• Non-Contagious: Don't Worry! You can't catch it!
• Non-Hereditary: It is not genetic and isn't given to a child from the parents.

We have learned a lot from watching these videos about cerebral palsy!

Cerebral Palsy: What I Want You To Know

TED Talk: Maysoon Zayid: I got 99 problems... palsy is just one

Moving Forward: With Cerebral Palsy| Cassi Baird

Charisse's Story: My Life Journey with Cerebral Palsy

Trip 1: Information Gathering and Questions to Ask Caregivers

We are preparing to go on trip1 to Bulgaria to meet our kids. We want to do some information gathering while we are there.

Shoe Sizing Guide

Click Here to Print

Stride Rite has a great Shoe Sizing Guide that you can print. There is also a video explaining how to measure using their guide. We plan on tracing our children's feet so we can buy them shoes that are the right size before trip 2!

For Clothing: 

Waist Measurement, Current Height and Weight

Questions to Ask Your Child’s Caregivers

I have been putting together a list of questions gathered from various sources to ask the orphanage caregivers and foster family. (I am sorry I didn't keep track of all the books, authors, websites, blogs, etc. I found these questions on! Wish now I would have!) I thought I would share with other adoptive parents who might be traveling soon! This is a comprehensive list and it is WAY too long. We will trim it down to what we don't alreayd have answers for and to what we feel is most important. We would over whealm with this long list! All these questions won't apply to every situation, depending on your particular child. If you are like us, then you got a lot answers to these questions when you received your referral, so you can cut those questions out of the list! (Tip: Take either a video camera or audio recorder to tape the interview. Use the audio capabilities of the video recorder so you do not miss any of the conversation. Then you can go over later. This will be much faster than trying to write everything down!)

Questions About Birth Family?

• Of what ethnic heritage is the child?
• How did they receive their name? If unusual, ask what meaning it has or what ethnicity it is.
• What can you tell me about the birth mother? (Age, health, name, photo? etc.)
• What can you tell me about the birth father? (Age, health, name, photo? etc.)
• Does my child have any siblings? What are their gender, ages, names, etc. Are they also in an orphanage/foster family?
• Any photos of birth family available? (I know of 1 family who adopted Ukrainian children whose parents had died and they were given photos from when the children lived with their parents before they died!. Yes, this question is a long shot, but you never know!)
• Do birth family members have any medical, physical, or emotional problems?
• Is there any information on the birthmother’s pregnancy and/or delivery?

Questions About Child's Placement History 

• How did my child come into an orphanage/fostercare? (Parents death, abandonment, removed from family due to neglect/abuse, etc.)
• When did my child come into orphanage care/fostercare?
• Is this the only foster family/orphanage my child has lived in or have their been other placements? Where? With Whom? For How Long?
• How long has the child been in the orphanage? Where was he/she before that?
• Has my child ever lived with his/her birth family? For what period of time? What was the child's age?
• What is the staff to child ratio during the day? Night?
• Any signs of abuse (before the orphanage)?
• Can we get pictures of him with his caregivers? 

Questions About My Child

• Is there anything we should tell him as he grows up?
• Have she had any prior illnesses, injuries or accidents?
• How does he interact with other children?
• Who are his friends? Can we take photos of him with his friends for a keepsake?
• Does he have a favorite caregiver?
• Does she like to be hugged, held and kissed?
• Favorite toys?
• Favorite activities?
• What makes him happy?
• What makes her upset?
• What makes him angry?
• Special fears?
• How do you soothe her?
• Behavioral problems?
• Does he wake up in the night?
• Does the child have any scars? If so, how did s/he get them?
• Are there any old photos?
• May I see where they slept and played and may you take photos of those places?
• Ask them how well the child speaks in their native language? Ask them what words and/or sentences the child can say and ask them how well the child pronounces those words.
• At what age did the child start sitting, walking and talking? (Ask the orphanage directer for a written history of the child's developmental milestones.)
• Does the child have any medical, physical, or emotional problems or disabilities?
• What are the dates of any blood transfusions, trauma, hospitalizations or surgeries?
• Ask the staff for descriptions of the child’s personality & physical, mental, & emotional status.
• How does the child's speech compare with her/his peers in the orphanage?
• How does the child's ability to crawl, walk, or run compare with peers in the orphanage?
• Does the child use utensils to eat, drink from a cup?
• Can the child dress & undress without help?
• Is the child toilet trained during the day and/or night?
• Does s/he wet the bed? How often? Has any intervention taken place?
• Does he/she initiate using the toilet?

Questions About Daily Routines

• Ask the orphanage director to write out the child’s daily routine.
• What do you feed them? How much and when?
• What are my child's favorite foods?
• How long and when do they sleep? (Bed time, Nap time?)
• What is the bathing routine? Does s/he like to be bathed?
• How do you discipline children here?

Other things to document, photograph, video (depending on the child's age). This can be helpful to share with your international adoption doctor and may help in thinking about future therapies the child may need, such as speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc.

Gross motor skills: 

• The child’s arm, leg, trunk and head movement. How the child uses his/her limbs and body.
• walking, running, stairs, standing on one foot, hopping, & jumping

Fine motor skills: 

• building, coloring, stringing beads, & cutting, etc. (bring Legos, paper, scissors, crayons, beads & string).

Verbal Skills: 

• Vocalization by the child.
• Others talking to the child and how he/she responds
• Through translator ask child his/her name
• Through translator ask him/her some questions and have her/him identify objects
• Through a translator give the child simple one, two or three step directions

Social Skills:

• The child interacting with visitors, staff, other children during meals or play time
• The child using interactive toys such dolls, puppets, toy vehicles & people

Don't forget to ask, "Do you have any questions for us?"

Hope you find this helpful! Feel free to copy, edit, and share!