What's in a Name?

Our sons name was Martin Anev _____. You may be wondering "What will your son's name be? Will you give him a new name? Did you choose the name Martin? Is Martin Bulgarian? Anev sounds Bulgarian, but Martin doesn't!"

The practice of renaming is very common in adoption. We understand why some people choose to rename their children and others don't. We are thinking about partially renaming Martin. We will keep his first name, probably modify his middle name, and change his last name to ours!

Our son's first name is Martin. We think his name was given to him by his birth mother. For a child who is 11 years old, surely his name is by now his identity. We wouldn't dream of changing his name and taking his identity and taking what is probably the only thing he has from his birth mother.

Fun Facts:

• The name Martin comes from Mars, the ancient god of war in Roman mythology. Martin means "Warrior of Mars" or  "Warlike." (Martin, we think it is fitting that you are called Warrior! How many adversities has life given you, that you have struggled through! Keep fighting! We are coming to bring you home!)
• While Martin is ranked #265 in the US for a baby boy name, it is a much more popular baby name in European countries. It is not a traditional Bulgarian name, but has recently became more popular. Even so, it would not be as common as other traditional Bulgarian names.

In Bulgaria, middle names are different in the US. Children's middle names are traditionally either their the mother's or father's first name with an "ev" ending for boys and an "eva" ending for girls. The ending means "son of" (or "daughter of"). We are considering changing Martin's middle name to Andrei. This is the Bulgarian form of Andrew and a masculine version of the base of his current name "Anev" minus the "ev" ending. In this way, we can still honor the birth parent he was named after. Besides the connection to a birth parent, Martin's new dad's name is Andrew and my middle name is Ann and he will have a great Aunt Ann! So the middle name Andrei will connect Martin with his new family, his birth family, and his birth country.

Artwork drawn by Martin Andrei in March of 2014

The Waiting Game

Recently, another mom posted this in a Bulgaria adoption facebook support group:

"What did you guys do while waiting to travel? I feel like I'm going to die if I have to wait months and months before meeting my guy. frown emoticon So, how can a mama be productive and stay positive during this crazy waiting game?"

That mom got all kinds of responses. We are almost at the end of the wait. With out a doubt, the HARDEST part of this adoption has been the time in between trips. We have met our kids but have to be away from them. After experiencing it, here is the advice I would give:

Create a Support Network

This mom has already done the first thing right! It is hard being separated from you child! Other adoptive parents understand. You can vent in a safe place with people who get it! You will also already have a relationship built when you need parenting advice after the adopting is complete! Our support network isn't only Internet groups. We are so thankful for the real life friendships we have formed with other foster/adoptive families and parents of biological children, and friends with no children, as well as friendships we maintain from college, Bible study, etc.

Explore Your Child's Culture

Andrew and I joined a local Bulgarian culture group formed mostly of Bulgarian families in our area. It has been fun to learn a little more of the culture and to form friendships with families from our children's country.

Bulgarian  Easter Celebration

Enjoy preparing for your kids!

Take the time to prepare a room, clothes, toys and games for your new children. Now is the time for dreaming! Andrew and I have been using the long wait to get the kids bedrooms ready for them. (This had been a big project and it is almost done. I will post about that soon.)

Prepare to be a Parent

While I feel SO ready to be a mother, I have still been consciously preparing to be the best mother I can be to M and E.  For me this has included praying and reading parenting books. Since trip one far I have read Love Me Feed Me by Katja Rowell, MD and listened to Brain Storm by Dan Siegel. I am 1 chapter in to No Drama Discipline, also by Dan Siegel along with Tina Payne Bryson.

Enjoy the last months together before your family grows!

Andrew and I have consciously been trying to take the time to enjoy our last few months as couple, going on dates, walks in the park, hanging out with friends, etc. Soon life will be happily busier with our 2 new additions. Dates and alone time with each other, as well as late nights at a friends house will not be so easy. There will be bedtimes or babysitters to think about! For a family who already have children but will be adding more, I think it would also be important to enjoy your family the way it is.  Adding new children will change the dynamics. All though love is not a pie, time is. You will have just as much love for all your children but it might be hard to spend the same amount of time with each child one-on-one.

Bowling with friends in January!

Travel! 

Traveling is definitely easier with out kids! I also took an out of state trip to visit my family. On the trip I got to meet my new baby niece Vivienne and color eggs with my niece, Annalise and nephew Collin. While visiting my family, my mom, sisters and grandma surprised me with a shower.

Find Resources for Your Child!

Use the waiting time to find research specialist to meet your child's particular needs, whether that be a pediatrician familiar with treating children coming from an orphanage in another country, an adoption therapist, speech therapist, or some other professional!  Andrew visited several schools and choose one. This week I will be meeting with the school psychologist to discuss how we can help the transition to English and the American school system to be a success.

Thoughts on Motherhood

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I am now a mother to 3 children across the ocean from me. Shortly they will be in my arms. But not this year for Mothers' Day. I received 3 cards for my first Mother's Day! Several people asked me yesterday if I feel like a mother? Yes and No. I feel ready to be a Mother. Or at least as ready as any mother ever is. I desire to be a mother to M and E! But I don't think I will completely feel like a mother until we pick M and E up.

Photography by Ryan Watters

Photography by Ryan Watters

What kind of a mother do I want to be? Patient, Kind, Caring, Loving, Strong, Fun, Godly, A Good Listener. I want to be a mom who can laugh and cry with her children. I mom who believes in her children and who fights for the best for her children.

I read a poem on a friends blog recently.

Be strong, but not rude. 

Be kind, but not weak. 

Be bold, but not bully. 

Be thoughtful, but not lazy. 

Be humble, but not timid. 

Be proud, but not arrogant. 

Have humor, but without folly.

- Jim Rohn

That got me thinking some about the qualities I hope to teach and model to my children, and the qualities I hope they have as adults. Then in church the next day the sermon about loving others brought my thoughts back to what I hope for my children.

My goals in parenting E and M:

• My children to have a deep felt confidence that they are loved unconditionally by their parents and by God. 
• My children to show love to themselves
• My children to show love to others
• To have a bold faith to follow God wherever He leads them in life.
• To know how to know the balance of both working and playing hard
• To be strong and humble

Hurrah for "Passing Court"

We were fingerprinted on Monday (April 20) evening using an FBI channeler to expedite the process. On Wednesday (April 22), less than 48 hours later, we received a PDF file in Andrew's email in box with our updated background checks! We immediately forwarded those to our agency who forwarded them on to Bulgaria to be translated. On Thursday (April 23) we found a courier service, Caring Hands, in DC who only charged a flat rate of $35 (some place charge $100-$200 per document! Crazy!). On Friday (April 24), morning Caring Hands hand delivered our documents to the Department of State to be apostilled. They will pick them back up on this Wednesday (April 29) and send them via DHL to our agency in Bulgaria for us!

In the meantime, yesterday (April 27), our judge in Bulgaria had another hearing for our adoption. I was nervous waiting for the phone call to tell us how it went.  The judge accepted the emailed background checks until the apostilled hard copies get there! Horrah! As they say in the adoption community, "we passed court!" The judge approved our adoption of M and E! She is supposed to sign the official court decree on May 5.

We thought all this would delay our travel to Bulgaria by at least a week, but our adoption agency told us to plan on the same travel dates as before all this happened! So thankful that we will all be together as a family of 4 soon!

Andrew and I celebrated by going out to Wendy's for Frosties!

Celebrating Easter Bulgarian Style

We had so much fun celebrating with local Bulgarians on Bulgarian Orthodox Easter (which this year fell 1 week after the date we celebrate Easter in America.)

The table of Kozunak, a traditional sweet Easter bread. 

So delicious! Reminded me of being in Bulgaria! Can't wait to go back again!
I made the "Tarator," a cold cucumber, and yogurt soup in the cup in the picture.

Amazing turn out this year

The students from the local Bulgarian Language School performed for us while we ate.

Getting ready to dance the Horro, traditional dances from Bulgaria. 

Here is an example of a Horro dance that I found on Youtube so you can get an idea of what they are like. Every region of Bulgaria has it's own horro dances as well as traditional clothing. These dances are can be simple or quite complex and intricate. They are not only lot of fun, but great exercise. Of course the traditional clothing is now only worn for performances such as this. 

Andrew wearing a "Kalpak" - a traditional Bulgarian hat, 

Andrew's was just made of felt, but they are usually made of fur.

Court Date, Trusting God and Being Patient in a Microwave, Fastfood Culture

Yesterday was a day full of all kinds of emotions. Our case came before a judge in Bulgaria and our kids met for the first time ever! The morning started out with nervous anticipation and the expectation of good news. (At least those were my feelings. Andrew on the other hand has been worrying for days about how M and E meeting for the first time would go and whether they would like each other. So all he probably felt was anxiety!)

Last night I went to sleep breathing prayers over the court hearing and our children and this morning I woke up early and instantly prayers popped into my sleepy mind. Bulgaria is 7 hours ahead of us. I wondered what time the court date was scheduled. I wonder if it was over or happening right then and if M and E had met yet.

I (thankfully as it turned out later) had the day of work. When I got up I sent an email to our agency telling them "I was on pins and needles" waiting to hear how court went. I kept near my cell phone and the computer waiting for an email or call from our agency. It felt like a long time waiting and waiting to hear any news.

The first news came at 9:42am. Surprisingly it didn't come as expected from our agency, but from the orphanage directer of E's group home.

"Hi Katie. E. is very happy that she met her brother and he also. There were walking hand to hand and talking about how will be their new life at USA, so don't worry , they like each other a lot. But the judge was not in good mood and she move the court date at 27 this month, as the social worker told me. This is not a problem, just u will wait one or two weeks more. She said also that at the end of may you will be possible to come for E. and M. ! :) Everything is going great !!!"

My heart leapt when I heard how well the meeting went and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. And then the disappointment that there must be some hangup with the judge. She was postponing our court date until next Monday? Now I really couldn't wait to here from our agency to see what the holdup was!

I quickly called Andrew at work and read the email to him. He says all he felt was relief and joy that M and E meeting went well and had tears in his eyes too. Andrew's relief and joy were so great that he couldn't be disappointed about the delay until next Monday!

The next person I heard from was also unexpected. A photo of M and E accompanied by a smiley face emoticon via facebook from M's foster family in Bulgaria. After that I got a sweet message from Dimo, our driver during our first trip to Bulgaria.  Dimo wrote that M and E had an instant bond and "any words would be weak" to describe their meeting. He also wrote that M helped E navigate all the steps at the courthouse and that our agency would send us photos of the meeting! He did not mention the judge or what the hold up was.

Finally, at about 12:30, I received a call from K. our case worker at the adoption agency. She told us that everything went well with the judge, except for one thing - the judge was requesting that we have an updated FBI background check. The judge would hear our case again next Monday, June 27. Exactly a week to get new FBI background checks! K also told us the meeting between M and E had went well and been very "emotional." She would email us pictures as soon as we got off the phone. 

What beautiful pictures they are! Full of joy, love, bright smiles, hope, and excitement! I can't share their beautiful faces online yet, but here is a little sneak peek of how precious these photos are!

Me Helping E down the Courthouse Steps

Instant Bond of a Soon-to-be Brother and Sister

At this point I am feeling very frustrated. I love M and E! I am ready to be a family of four! Seeing there sweet pictures only increases my desire to bring them home! I am not angry at the judge. I appreciate the fact that she takes her job seriously. All to many children in this world are trafficked for slavery or criminal activity. I am glad this judge is making sure that children are going to safe and loving families! I just feel frustrated that there has been a delay. I would happily do anything the judge requires of us to demonstrate that we are a safe, loving family for M and E.

This must be how God feels, only more so. He longs to adopt us as his children. Yet so often we delay in saying yes to Him. He would go to any cost to pursue us and make us his own - He would even die on a cross to have that relationship with us! Sunday in small groups we from Luke 15, the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the Lost Coin and the Parable of the Prodigal Son. The shepherd left the 99 to find his 1 lost sheep. The women swept her house and looked diligently to find her 1 lost coin. The father watched and waited and longed and finally his son came home. I think my life right now is the Parable of the Persistent Mother. I will take whatever steps I need to bring my children home! I have worked for 2 1/2 years for this and I am not going to let a little old background check get in my way!

The momma bear in me went right to work to solve the problem in the fastest way possible.  At the agency's suggestions, we called the FBI to see if they could reissue an updated report without us going through the whole long process. I knew this was a long shot - a really long shot. No they could not. We would need to get fingerprinted and again and mail in our fingerprints along with a form and we would receive the background check in the mail in 12-14 weeks. Or, we could go through an FBI channeler and have them expedited. Option 2 please!

So, I went to the FBI channeler page of the FBI website and found a channeler with offices in our state. The directions said to go to a local office and get fingerprinted and mail in the fingerprints along with a form and the payment for the expediting process. I called them. What to do you know? They had a the local office (okay local as in 45 minutes away) were we could get our finger prints scanned and instantly sent to the main office instead of having to mail them. This would save a few days of time! They also allowed us to scan and email in the accompanying forms rather than mailing them. Again, to save time. For an additional fee, they could email us the results when they had them back from the FBI, as well as send us a hard copy in the mail. Perfect! I filled out the forms right away, scanned, and emailed them. Next, I drove to be finger printed. Andrew had just gotten of work and we met at the finger print place and had our prints taken again! We have done our part, now all we can do is wait for the results! Hopefully, they will email us the results in 3-5 days as promised!

On the way home as I drover through rush hour traffic, I thought about lots of stuff. I thought about how this was not the end of the world. It was only a delay. The judge hadn't turned us down. She had only requested more information. She was even willing to take scanned and emailed copies (with the expectation of hard copies that have been apostilled to follow). I know this adoption will happen in God's timing. I feel like I have been patient so long already. But I will be patient a little while longer. (And patience is not my forte. What can I say, I am an American used to instant downloads, fast food restaurants, microwaves, etc.)

I also thought about how God was in control and allowed this to happen. That He knew this would happen and must have some purpose in allowing it that I can't understand. I thought about how God loves these children more than I ever can. He loves them perfectly.

At home, Andrew and I ate our supper and talked about all the days excitement and frustration. After diner we worked on the kids rooms until bedtime. This morning when I woke up, I didn't feel all the frustration. I feel only peace. 

My verse for this week is going to be:

"Sing to God, sing praises to his name;

lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts;

his name is the Lord; exult before him!

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows

is God in his holy habitation.

God settles the solitary in a home"

Psalms 68:4-6a

Because I know that God wants this adoption even more than I do!

Court Date Scheduled!

Our court date is scheduled for April 20! (We do not attend court. Our NGO has power of attorney to represent us.) We should be able to bring our kids home in May or possibly in June.

Even though we won't be at our court hearing, our children will be! Because our children are older, they will go to court and give their opinion on whether or not they want to be adopted. (If they were 14 or older, then they would have to give their consent to adoption.) Interesting, side note, our children will meet each other for the first time at court! Our NGO has promised to send a photo!

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