Friday, May 15, 2015

The Waiting Game

Recently, another mom posted this in a Bulgaria adoption facebook support group:

"What did you guys do while waiting to travel? I feel like I'm going to die if I have to wait months and months before meeting my guy. 
frown emoticon So, how can a mama be productive and stay positive during this crazy waiting game?"

That mom got all kinds of responses. We are almost at the end of the wait. With out a doubt, the HARDEST part of this adoption has been the time in between trips. We have met our kids but have to be away from them. After experiencing it, here is the advice I would give:

Create a Support Network

This mom has already done the first thing right! It is hard being separated from you child! Other adoptive parents understand. You can vent in a safe place with people who get it! You will also already have a relationship built when you need parenting advice after the adopting is complete! Our support network isn't only Internet groups. We are so thankful for the real life friendships we have formed with other foster/adoptive families and parents of biological children, and friends with no children, as well as friendships we maintain from college, Bible study, etc.

Explore Your Child's Culture

Andrew and I joined a local Bulgarian culture group formed mostly of Bulgarian families in our area. It has been fun to learn a little more of the culture and to form friendships with families from our children's country.
Bulgarian  Easter Celebration
Enjoy preparing for your kids!

Take the time to prepare a room, clothes, toys and games for your new children. Now is the time for dreaming! Andrew and I have been using the long wait to get the kids bedrooms ready for them. (This had been a big project and it is almost done. I will post about that soon.)

Prepare to be a Parent

While I feel SO ready to be a mother, I have still been consciously preparing to be the best mother I can be to M and E.  For me this has included praying and reading parenting books. Since trip one far I have read Love Me Feed Me by Katja Rowell, MD and listened to Brain Storm by Dan Siegel. I am 1 chapter in to No Drama Discipline, also by Dan Siegel along with Tina Payne Bryson.

Enjoy the last months together before your family grows!

Andrew and I have consciously been trying to take the time to enjoy our last few months as couple, going on dates, walks in the park, hanging out with friends, etc. Soon life will be happily busier with our 2 new additions. Dates and alone time with each other, as well as late nights at a friends house will not be so easy. There will be bedtimes or babysitters to think about! For a family who already have children but will be adding more, I think it would also be important to enjoy your family the way it is.  Adding new children will change the dynamics. All though love is not a pie, time is. You will have just as much love for all your children but it might be hard to spend the same amount of time with each child one-on-one.

Bowling with friends in January!

Traveling is definitely easier with out kids! I also took an out of state trip to visit my family. On the trip I got to meet my new baby niece Vivienne and color eggs with my niece, Annalise and nephew Collin. While visiting my family, my mom, sisters and grandma surprised me with a shower.

Find Resources for Your Child!

Use the waiting time to find research specialist to meet your child's particular needs, whether that be a pediatrician familiar with treating children coming from an orphanage in another country, an adoption therapist, speech therapist, or some other professional!  Andrew visited several schools and choose one. This week I will be meeting with the school psychologist to discuss how we can help the transition to English and the American school system to be a success.

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